All or Nothing at All
by Sky-Pirate-Tat
Summary: Three years ago, Riku did something horrible to Sora. It's his fault Sora lost his sight. Everything is his fault. RxS
1. Guilt

_Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Kingdom Hearts universe or it's characters. I am not making a profit by writing this. I am writing this to express my love for the game and it's characters, and to improve my abilities as a writer._

_A/N: I'm a fairly new writer in this section of fanfiction. So far I've posted two one-shots in the Kingdom Hearts fandom. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it. The title is off a song that Frank Sinatra sings._

-

All or Nothing at All

By Tat Claire Kokoro

Chap. 1 Guilt

/_ I know that you're hiding things_

_Using gentle words to shelter me_

_Your words were like a dream_

_But dreams could never fool me_

_Not that easily/_

-1000 Words

It was a cold winter morning, the sun was still rising from the sky, the moon was beginning to fade, and the stars were long gone. The wind blew, biting their already blushing cheeks. They were cold-freezing, even with the layers of sweaters and coats covering them. The only warmth they were granted was each other.

The two held hands, walking side by side at a steady pace. The eldest, a silvery haired teen with wicked (almost) translucent eyes held the other's hand tenderly. "Sora, are you okay?"

The brunette turned his head to Riku, "Its cold but. . ." He trailed off and smiled, "I'm fine. We only have a few more blocks, right, Riku?"

Riku nodded, "Right."

For the rest of the trip they were quiet, as they always were. Riku led Sora to the school all the way to his classroom, and then said the usual, "Bye. I'll come get you when school lets out."

"Thank you, but you don't have to do this."

"Don't worry about it." He waved, though Sora more than likely didn't see him. Down the halls on his way out, people waved. They thought it was very kind of him to walk Sora to and from school everyday.

The cold shocked him when he opened the door. He was very tempted to skip school and stay inside the building. Reluctantly, he went outside, thinking about how Sora's condition was his fault. He took one last look at the school Sora had gone to for three years now.

It was an old brick building with a plague gleaming in the faint light. In capital letter read, "St. Anael's School for the Blind." To Riku, the place looked more like a prison that a school.

Sora wasn't always blind. He used to see more than what the average person saw. He would notice things in nature, the moon hiding behind velvet clouds or raindrops clinging to glass. Sora saw beauty in almost everything and everyone. Riku remembered when they had first met five years ago.

-

Sora had just moved in a few blocks away from his house and was sitting on the sidewalk next to it, licking an ice-cream bar. Curious about the new kid, Riku walked by. He didn't expect to stop, just a quick glance. When he passed the house he strained his eyes to see through the windows. He hadn't noticed the brunette staring at him in awe.

He felt a tug at his shirt and his eyes met deep blue. "What?" he growled in annoyance. He didn't have time to chat with a teeny bopper.

Sora drew Riku's face closer to his until only their noses touched. There was a moment of silence, and then Riku wrenched his way out of Sora's grasp and glared.

"Your eyes are like mirrors." Sora said, not noticing Riku's attitude towards him.

True, Riku's eyes were fascinating to people, but they also scared them. Most didn't even struggle to describe his eyes. And if on occasion, someone did, he didn't like the description because it didn't quite fit him. Sora on the other hand, had only just met him and had described his eyes perfectly. "Why mirrors?"

Sora flushed and turned away.

"Tell me." Riku pressed.

The boy shook his head.

Riku let this slide, deciding he would ask later. They traded names and talked about themselves, laughing in between. Riku had never had a true friend, people usually were afraid of him (because of his eyes). He was a little jealous of Sora, who had made a lot of friends where he used to live. Then he felt sorry for the boy because he had to leave those friends behind and had to start over.

"I'll be your friend."

"Really?"

"Yeah. So . . .why are my eyes mirror-like?"

"I'll tell you later."

"When?"

Sora gave him a sly grin, "I'll tell you when we're older."

-

The rest of the way to school he thought about the horrifying thing he had done to Sora, then that last day Sora had his sight. After Riku's mistake, Sora's eyes began to fail him. Each day he struggled to see, and each night he said good bye to the things he would never see again. The boy had been frustrated with his predicament but kept his cool and accepted his fate. There was nothing for him to do except say good bye and watch the world fade.

-

"Riku. . ."

"Yes-." He stopped in mid-sentence, for Sora had his face close to his, their noses touching, and lips dangerously close.

"Can I see your eyes one more time?"

"S-Sure. . ."

His mirror eyes met void ocean blue,. There was a silence between them as their words were replaced with pure emotion. "When I look in your eyes. . ." a faint blush graced his cheeks and he pulled away. "Never mind. . ." He shook his head.

The next morning, Sora woke up and opened his eyes but all was dark.

-

Riku checked his watch, he still had twenty minutes left. He would have preferred to go inside to warm up, but he didn't want to socialize. He hid behind the school and sat on the freezing ground, holding himself in fetal position.

Watching the snow fall calmed him. It numbed his regret, his sin. However, watching the snow fall could not bring forgiveness or take away his guilt.

"I'm sorry."

-

How was your day?" Sora asked.

"Boring."

"You always say that."

"That's because school is boring."

They were on their way to Sora's house. Again, like this morning, Riku was holding Sora's hand, guiding him across the dangerous world.

"What are you reading in Literature?" Sora asked, still trying to make conversation.

"Mmm. . .Oedipus the King."

"Oh . . .I haven't read that yet. What's it about?"

Riku shrugged, he didn't like school and he hated to talk about it also.

Not hearing Riku's answer, Sora sighed in defeat. He hated silence.

Thankfully, the silence didn't last, as they had reached his house. Sora's aunt was at work until five, meaning Riku would stay to 'hang out'. He knew his friend's real reason for staying; he wanted to make sure Sora didn't have an accident like falling down the stair or tripping on his own feet. This always frustrated Sora, who didn't like to be fussed over. There was many a time where he wanted to shout at Riku for being _too_ helpful but he would force himself to bite his tongue and turn a blind eye. He valued Riku's presence, and he liked it when Riku walked him to and from school, which was the only time they could hold hands without question, without shame or embarrassment.

Sora had sometimes wondered if Riku ever thought of holding hands for a reason other than guiding him. He shook his head to rid of his fantasies and with his free hand dug in his pocket for the key. He reached for the lock and when he found it, unlocked the door.

Immediately when they entered the house, the fragrance of vanilla hit them. Riku scrunched his nose; Sora's aunt was going crazy with the air freshener again. Sora was annoyed by the overwhelming scent too, his face showed a disgusted look and was turned away. Still, they went inside to escape the cold.

"What do you want to do?"

"Retreat in your room, the smell is gagging me." The silvery blue haired one said bluntly.

Sora nodded and went upstairs with Riku not far behind. Riku's help wasn't needed often while at Sora's house. Sora knew his house well enough to maneuver around the furniture and to find what he wanted or needed.

They went through the hallway, heading towards the room at the end. Sora stopped inches from the door and held his hands out, running them over the polished wood then to the brass doorknob. He turned the hand until it clicked and went inside his room.

Sora's room hadn't changed much over the years. There was a bookshelf shoved in the corner brimming with book both in text and brail. A pile of magazines lay in his mussed bed, waiting to be read aloud by either Riku or Shouko, Sora's aunt. Next to the magazines was a stuffed animal from his childhood, a cat known as "Furless" which was odd since the toy was plentiful in fur. The dresser drawers were half open from this morning's rush to school and the radio was on, playing various rock ballads. The curtains were pulled open, allowing the sunlight to pour in, and gave Riku a peek at the gloomy winter environment outside.

The brunette plopped on his messy bed and picked out a magazine. "Will you read this to me?"

"Sure." Riku took it from his hands, analyzing the cover. It was a magazine keeping up to date with the hottest bands. He searched the articles for Sora's favorite bands and read aloud. To keep both him and Sora entertained he would read the articles enthusiastically, do poor voice imitations or crack a joke in between reading. As he read, Sora had his face towards him, soaking in the words but mainly Riku's smooth voice.

The silvery haired one closed the third magazine from the pile.

"Done?"

Riku nodded, "I'm tired. . ." He laid his head on Sora's shoulder and closed his eyes, taking in Sora's sweet scent. "Mmm. . ."

Cautiously, Sora ran a hand through his friend's hair. Riku sighed and moved into the touch. "Neko-Riku. . ." Sora teased, but Riku was already asleep.

-

Sora sat at the kitchen table wearing a pair of slightly baggy jeans and a simple red long sleeved shirt. He already had his shoes on, ready to go out the door as soon as Riku came. _Riku's taking a long time . . ._, he thought worriedly. His friend had fallen asleep on him yesterday out of the blue and was still asleep when Shouko came home from work. Sora had asked his aunt if Riku could stay the night but she had clucked her tongue and said Riku's family probably wanted him home.

Riku didn't stir the whole ride home nor did he after he was tucked in bed. This didn't worry Sora before, he assumed Riku was just tired, but now that he thought about it, other reasons filled his worried head. _What if Riku was in a coma the whole time?_

A knock at the door released him of his worries. Sora hopped out of the chair, finding his way to the door, "Coming!"

Another ring filled the house, annoying Sora. Hadn't he just said he was coming? He shrugged it off, putting on his coat, picking up his book bag and went out the door, locking it behind him.

A soft petite hand reached out for his and he took it, only to cast it away upon touching it. This wasn't Riku, the hand was too small to be his and the fingernails were perfectly manicured. This was a girl.

"Where's Riku?"

-

-No characters were harmed (physically) in the making of this fanfic. Tat Claire Kokoro is not responsible for the mental breakdowns of any characters.-


	2. Realization

_Disclaimer_: _I do not own the rights to the "Kingdom Hearts" universe. I am not doing this to make a profit, nor am I making one from writing this. I am writing this to express my love for the game and it's characters and to improve my abilities as a writer._

_OoOOoOOoOOo_

By Tat Claire Kokoro

Chap. 2 Realization

/_"Anyone who falls in love has a side of themselves they only show that special person. One the rest of us never see."- Belldandy (Ah! Megami-Sama!)/_

"Kairi. Where's Riku?" Sora asked again.

A girl about Sora's age, dressed in a reddish Catholic School girl plaid styled pleated skirt and a button down collar shirt covered by her rouge coat, trailing past her ankles sighed. "Home." She played with a strand of her short red hair nervously.

"Is he okay?" Sora reluctantly took her hand, and suddenly missed Riku's warmth.

"He has a fever."

They started to walk to school, unable to make further conversation. They had never said much to each other since they met. A grudge kept Kairi away from Sora, who took up all of her brother, Riku's time. The only reason why she was here with her rival was because Riku requested- actually forced her. Otherwise her brother would be here instead, with a fever and about to pass out.

"We're here." She said at the door of the school and hurried off. She stared at her hand, and then buried it in the warmth of her pockets. Kairi's violet-blue eyes drifted back to where she dropped off the brunette, then to the path ahead of her.

oOOoOOoOOo

The sunlight danced on his silver blue hair and pounced on his eyes. He moaned, peeking an eye open, close, then after squeezing his eyes he opened both of them. He blinked, looking at his surroundings.

The boorish white walls were decorated with a few pieces of framed (printed) artwork and hanging on the ceiling were paper cranes in pastel colors his sister had made him (when she was ten). He stared at the wooden floor, wondering if he should get out of bed and in the end decided there was no point in getting up yet. He wasn't hungry, and didn't need to use the restroom.

He buried himself into the warmth of the covers, unconsciously grasping at a stuffed animal. Jazz music filtered through his ears, taking over the mood of the room and his as well. The smooth sound of the saxophones and clarinet with their snazzy tunes began to wake him, while the mellow beat of the drums calmed him.

Riku closed his eyes, letting the music take him away. He cuddled closer to the stuffed animal, taking in the sweet scent hidden in the fur. The smell made his heart sing, it was that familiar. _What does this . . . or who does this remind me of?_

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, and careful footsteps crossed the wooden floor. Riku looked up from his covers to see his visitor come in and carefully sit next to him.

"Did you walk by yourself?"

Sora shook his head, "your sister helped me today."

Riku was relieved.

"Kairi told me you were sick."

"I wasn't sick." Riku lied, he didn't want to worry Sora and he hated admitting that a fever had kept him in bed.

"It's because you stay out in the cold too much. . ."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do. Kairi told me on the way here. She said she sees you sitting behind the school staring into space-_ in the cold._"

"Maybe she was lying."

"I know she wasn't when she told me, she sounded concerned." Sora didn't ask Riku what was bothering him, he already knew but hadn't figured out a way to cleanse his friend's guilt yet.

"You guy's talked!" Riku was amazed. It wasn't that Kairi hated Sora, deep down she wanted to be friends with him. The only reason why she was rude towards him was because he was in her way.

"Yeah. I know."

Riku looked at what he had been holding the whole time. It was Furless, Sora's first stuffed animal. "What's Furless doing here!"

"You fell asleep with your arms around him and I didn't have the heart to tear the two of you away." Sora said, wishing he could trade places with Furless. "You can keep him."

"Are you sure?"

Sora nodded, "keep him."

Riku patted the bare space beside him, "there's not much to do. I'm sorry. You want to color?"

"I don't mind." Sora scooted to the space next to Riku with some help and put some covers over him. Riku pulled at the drawer next to his bedside, taking from it a pack of colored pencils and crayons and two coloring books. He handed one of the books to Sora and put the extra back in the drawer. Sora skimmed through the pages, and stopped, "what's this?"

"It's a picture of birds perched in a flowered tree."

"Could you hand me the red crayon?" He held his hand out and soon withdrew it after receiving the color. He couldn't see to tell if he was coloring in the lines or not but years ago that didn't matter to him anymore. Sora imagined the flowers in the tree, and colored them ruby red. The trees of course were given various shades of green and the birds, (which he saved for last) were portrayed as beautiful, brightly colored birds from the tropics. Sora set his last crayon (a pink one) at his side, not noticing it roll away and jump to the floor. He beamed at his piece of work, the image of a tropical paradise still in his head. "Lookie." He said childishly.

Riku turned away from his work to see the squiggles of color Sora had run over the paper. The lines were as usual, ignored, giving an innocent feel, and the bright choices of color showed off the optimistic personality within the artist. "I like it."

"Thanks! It's for you!"

"Really?" Riku held the paper out in front of him, admiring the purposely clumsy style. It wasn't odd for Sora to give him pictures he drew, his door was covered in Sora's artwork and the refrigerator held the rest of the collection. Still, he treated each masterpiece with respect and awe. "Thank you." He placed it on his bedside."

"What did you color?"

Riku looked at his own masterpiece in progress, "well. . ." He closed his eyes, searching for a through enough description. ". . . Imagine a clear blue sky at the beach, and the waves tickling the children walking along the sand. Then there's the small volleyball game taking place between groups of friends."

"Are the people wearing anything?"

"I should hope so!" Riku laughed.

The blue eyed boy flushed in embarrassment, " I meant, what kind of clothes are they wearing and what colors?"

"You know . . . modest one-piece swimsuits for the girls and swim trunks for the guys. . . I haven't colored them in yet though."

"I wish I could go to school with you." Sora muttered softly to himself, not expecting his friend to hear."

A frown darkened Riku's features, he bit his lip and hurriedly put the art supplies away. He looked at the closet, his refuge; he wished he could go inside and bathe in its sweet darkness, away from his guilt and troubles. _/I'm sorry . . ./_ How the youth wanted to say those words to his dear friend but couldn't decide how to say the words.

He gathered his courage and swallowed, "about that time, Sora I'm-."

A knock interrupted him, Kairi cautiously walked in (still wearing her school uniform), "Sora's mom is here to pick him up."

Sora squirmed out of bed, ready to leave on his own but Riku grabbed his hand, "I'll help you."

"Are you sure? Aren't you sick?"

"I'm not sick!" He denied, "I'm just under the weather."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Kairi commented.

The silver haired one held back a growl and hurriedly proceeded downstairs to escape further talk about his cold.

"Will you be better tomorrow?" Sora gave Riku an expectant look.

"Promise." He squeezed Sora's hand before letting go, "have a safe trip."

"Thank you." Sora, with Riku's help went in the car and left with a wave goodbye.

"Are you two dating?" Rena, his mother arched an eyebrow, she was standing in the doorway.

He looked at his mother, puzzled, "no. . .What's giving you these crazy ideas all of a sudden?"

"Actually, I've had my suspicions for years. It's the way you look at each other . . . and the touching."

"Touching?"

"Never mind." His mother shook her head and quickly changed the subject, "there's some chicken noodle soup on the table for you."

"No thanks. I don't feel too good."

"Are you sure?"

Riku nodded and went back inside, heading towards him room. "I'm sure."

oOOoOOoOOo

A knock work him and immediately the darkness greeted him. He moaned and leaned against the wall, not wishing to leave his refuge.

"Riku!"

He peeked an eye open, refusing to answer or fully wake up.

Suddenly, the closet door was forced open and the light crept in and blinded him. "Are you too old to be hiding in the closet?" His mother scolded.

"Mmm. . .?" He looked at his surroundings, wondering why he was in the closet. Then he remembered, after Sora had left he had retreated to the closet and apparently, he had fallen asleep there. Riku wiped a sleep booger from his eyes, "what time is it?"

"It's seven A.M."

"Too early. . ." he muttered, and reluctantly got to his feet and stumbled out of the closet.

"Are you not feeling well? Honey?" His mother said with concern.

_/I feel like shit./_ Riku thought to himself. _/But I have to feel-or act like I'm fine. I promised Sora I would be better today./_

"Just a little tired." He answered.

"Okay. . ." His mother said uneasily, and went downstairs, "hurry up. Sora is waiting for you downstairs."

_/Sora is up early-on a Saturday/_ This surprised Riku who was used to waking up early (his mom refused to let her kids waste a day sleeping), normally, Sora would be asleep until noon or later.

He shuffled through his dresser drawers and picked out a pair of black pants and a high collared, snow while long sleeved shirt. He looked at himself in the mirror, smoothing his clothes and hair.

Dressed and already wearing a fake smile (to hide the fact that he was still sick), Riku went downstairs to the kitchen.

"Morning." Kairi said before taking a bite out of her toast. She had dark circles under her eyes from staying up all night and didn't look like she was planning on going anywhere judging from the bed head that wasn't yet tamed. Seated across from the red head was Sora, finishing off a waffle bathed in syrup. "Morning," he said with his mouth full. Next to Sora was a rice omelet drizzled with ketchup meant for Riku.

Riku swallowed, mustering what strength he had to cheerfully say good morning. "Gooood Morning."

"Are you all right, Riku?" Kairi and Sora stared at him quizzically.

"Why do you ask?"

"You're _acting_ too cheerful. Are you still hiding that you're sick?" Sora asked, concerned. "If you're not feeling well, I can go home."

"No. . .It's err . . . I'm tired." Riku lied, hoping Sora would believe him.

"Oh. I see." The brunette licked the excess syrup from his fingers and lips but he still felt stickey.

Rena glared at Riku from the stove, "your food is getting cold."

"Yes ma'm." Riku sat at the table, forcing himself to eat, his mother was never skilled at cooking but over the years she had improved (but _very_ little) and Riku's stomach was now used to the toxic waste. Kairi always covered the horrible taste using chocolate or some sort of sauce.

"Thank you for breakfast, Mrs. Rena. It was _really_ good." Sora beamed.

Kairi backwashed her milk and Riku coughed, almost choking on his food, both of them stared.

A smile fell of Rena's face, "aww. . .you're so sweet. No one has ever told me that." She gave expectant looks at her children, silently telling them they should compliment her also. She put of slender piece of paper by Riku's plate, "after you're done I need to you to go to the store."

Riku eyed the list and Kairi asked if she could go too. Rena shook her head, and said Kairi was needed for helping her in cleaning the house.

OoOOoOOoOO

When they were finished shopping they again went outside, reluctantly embracing the winter chill. In his hand, Sora carried two bags, Riku carried the other three which kept his hands full. With his free hand, Sora held onto his friend's arm.

Thoughts an emotions swirled in his minds like a relentless tornado. He wondered how long he could hold everything in. When they were kids, it had been easy but now that they were older and suffering from hormone poisoning, he felt like he was going to burst.

"Is something wrong?" Riku asked.

Sora turned his head away and claimed it was nothing. He wished he knew what life would be like if he ever told his crush. Would he end up spending their lives together or would he come to find that it was one-sided love?

He swallowed hard and took a chance, "Riku, do you think it's wrong for two people of the same sex to be together?"

"You mean gays!" Riku blurted out carelessly. He soon felt bad for not thinking before speaking after seeing Sora's face fault. "Well. . . I don't know what to think. I've never thought about it."

"Think about it this way. What if you loved someone but people claimed it was wrong to love that person?"

Riku stared at his friend, finally realizing what Sora had been holding back for years. He tried to form a polite answer to the questions. He didn't want to hurt or offend Sora. "People who try to run your life and tell you who to love or not to love are pricks. It's your emotion, your life. No one controls you but you."

Sora nodded in agreement, ending the subject and leaving behind an awkward silence. Riku was surprised at how dense he was. How could he be so oblivious to the way Sora treated him or seemed to look (blind but face turned towards him) at him? Now he realized the when Sora smiled it was for him. Sora was happy to be close to him. And all those times when they were kids . . . when Sora used to frequently bring his lips dangerously close to his and stare into those mirror eyes. There was something about those times that made him stir and gave him a rush.

"Sora. . ."

"Hmm. . ."

He thought he was going choke. "Can you tell me _now_ why my eyes are like mirrors?"

Sora hesitated then shook his head. "Maybe later."

"Maybe later? You told me when we were older you would tell me."

"We're not old enough, yet."

"So when _will_ we be old enough?"

"When we've really matured."

Riku reluctantly let go of the matter, and made up answers to his question to satisfy at least a portion of his curiosity. He stopped at his door step and set the groceries down for a moment to open the door.

"Welcome back." Rena greeted, her hands drenched in water and soap bubbles from just washing the dishes. In the distance the hum of the vacuum was heard as Kairi was busily cleaning the living room.

They relieve themselves of the bags and sat in the chair to defrost before Riku's mom decided to find them more orders.

Rena dried her hands. "Sora, your aunt called. Turns out she has a business trip that she just now heard of. She's leaving tonight so if you want, you can stop by your house and gather your belongings."

"Okay."

Sora's spending the night?" Riku asked, shaking from the thought of what might happen if Sora (supposedly) decided to let all his feelings out.

"Well yes, Ri-Ri. For a couple days he'll be staying with us."

"In this house?"

"Well of course! I'm not heartless enough to make him sleep in the doghouse."

Riku made a quick glance at Sora. He felt bad that he was acting this way. His mom had taught him to be open minded and those values had grown on him and now he was being a homophobe all of a sudden. He struggled against the narrow minded thoughts taking over him. He reminded himself that Sora was his friend that just because he found out now didn't change Sora. Sora was still a good person whom he could trust. That's what mattered. And if Sora did love him as he suspected, Riku vowed he wouldn't flinch. He would have to accept the one-sided love and wait for it to fade.

"Let's get you things."

Sora smiled and gave Riku his hand. The boy paused before he accepted it and (unconsciously) lightly squeezed his hand.

_No characters were harmed (physically) in the making of this fanfic. Tat Claire Kokoro is not responsible for the mental breakdowns of any characters.-_

oOOoOOoOOoOOo

_Author's Notes: Yeah, Riku-kun is going to be homophobic for awhile. I'm trying to add realism but I think I'm failing at that. I don't have much to comment on this chapter. Just tell me if I'm getting the characters down right and what you think I could improve on, etc. Compliments are also appreciated. Chapter three will be interesting so stay tuned!_

_Watashi no ai, Tat-chan_


	3. Risk and Thy Shall Receive

_Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Kingdom Hearts universe or it's characters. I am not making a profit by writing this. I am writing this to express my love for the game and it's characters, and to improve my abilities as a writer._

All or Nothing at All

By Tat Claire Kokoro

Chap. 3 Risk and Thee Shall Receive

_/Fill my heart with song_

_Let me sing for ever more_

_You are all I long for_

_All I worship and adore/_

-_Fly me to the Moon_

Riku was quiet. He didn't want Sora to know he was going through a discriminating phobia.

"If it was something I said, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you or make you uncom-."

"I don't hate you. You're my best friend."

"Then you're mad at me."

Riku sighed and unrolled his sleeping bag next to his bed, (it's common courtesy to have a guest sleep in the bed). "I don't get mad at you.

"If what you say is true, we have an unhealthy friendship."

"So _now_ you want us to have a fight? Just a second ago you sounded worried because you thought we were having one."

Sora shook his head, "I just want to know what I did."

"I'm not mad or anything. I just have a lot on my mind."

The brunette bit his lip an slipped into bed, "I'm not. . .you know. . ."

Riku raised a brow, aware that his friend was trying to clean his name. He pulled the covers over Sora, "I know you don't swing that way." He lied through his forced smile. With a click of the light and a goodnight, he settled into bed and closed his eyes, awaiting the Sand Man with his fairy dust.

"Riku."

"Hmm?" He replied drowsily.

"Never mind."

Riku nodded and quickly dozed off. It was not until Sora heard the familiar, subtle snores that he dangled his hand over the bed and brushed his fingertips down Riku's cheek. "I love you."

oOOoOOoOOo

The bell didn't ring and the teacher wasn't in the room yet, leaving the kids to freely run about to chatter and tease their peers. Riku leaned over a scribble he was etching on his desk, his mind wandering off, thinking about Sora. He was still bewildered that his friend had a crush on him all along and the dream last night only made his emerging homophobia worse.

In his dream, he was holding Sora in his pale arms. He had felt a sense of peace holding the tanned boy and when Sora whispered in his ear, his heart was on fire. The fragment of unconscious was short and simple, but seemed to have dragged on and though the scenario was cliché it somehow had a deeper meaning.

He bit his lip. The more he pondered on the dream the deeper his teeth sunk into the flesh.

"Hey Riku." A tanned male, with short, bleached blond hair seated himself on Riku's desk.

"Hi Tidus. . ." Riku muttered to the senior

"Guten Mooorgen!" A shrill, high pitched voice greeted in German. The two boys looked up to see a short girl whose stockings were slightly disheveled along with the bow loosely tied around her collar shirt. Everything, including her personality was in disarray. The only thing that remained nice and neat was her perfectly smooth (except for the ends, which were curled up) shoulder length brown hair.

It was these times that annoyed Riku, who preferred to be left alone. The people who branded themselves as his friends though would ignore his wish and blubber about gossip and other things he had no interest in. Talking to them only made his desire to go home stronger.

"Morning Selphie-pu!"

Selphie grinned at Tidus then at Riku, "What, no 'good morning' from Riki Tiki?"

Riku winced, for he hated it when people gave him stupid pet names. "Morning." He grumbled.

"Hmph! Well, I guess we all know who woke up on the wrong side of the armadillo this morning!"

The two boys raised an eyebrow. It was normal to hear Selphie's cracked up expressions but they had never completely been used to them. Selphie ignored the expressions on their faces and hopped on a desk next to Riku and Tidus. "Riki-Tiki. . ." She gently scolded. "I hope you don't have that kind of attitude at my party."

"What party?"

"She told you about it Monday." Tidus said.

"Yeah! Yeah! It's tonight, remember now?"

Riku shook his head and stared blankly, searching for a way out of his invitation.

The dusty brown haired freshman pouted. "You're being mean to me on purpose. If you don't want to come, just say so."

"Fine. I don't want to go."

"Whaaat!" She stammered as her eyes widened. "It'll be fun though! It's a kissy-kiss party."

"I'm not interested."

"You get to kiss girls. . ." Tidus said with amusement, eyeing a couple of the girls in class.

"No."

"Is Riki-Tiki-Taffy gay?" Selphie teased.

"No."

"Asexual?"

"No."

"You're missing an opportunity. The love of your life could be at the party."

Riku sighed and looked at the clock. The bell had already rung minutes ago and the teacher still wasn't here. He knew there was no escaping this social event and gave in. "You got me. I'll go."

"Yay! Yay! Yay!" Selphie stood on the desk and yelled out triumphantly: "Guess what, girlies! Riki-Tiki Taffy is going to my Kissy Kiss party!"

Tidus patted Riku's head in sympathy.

oOOoOOoOOo

"What's wrong, Riku?" Sora unconsciously squeezed Riku's hand, making the silver haired one keep his distance from Sora, yet he still held his hand.Sora frowned, realizing that he was making his friend uncomfortable.

"It's nothing."

"Selphie?"

Riku grunted in reply, "We're going to a party tonight."

Sora's eyes widened, for Riku never went to parties. He preferred staying at home, away from the teenage dramatics and rampant desires of his peers. "Did Selphie force you?" He asked, piecing his friend's fragments of annoyance together.

Riku didn't answer.

"What time are we going?"

"The last five minutes of the party."

They stopped in front of the house and knocked. Kairi answer the door and let them in, then scuttled off to her room.

"How was school today, boys?" Rena asked in her most crisp and flowery tone.

"Good." Sora said as Riku grumbled his reply and pulled Sora up the stairs.

"What's the hurry?" Rena raised an eye brow and inwardly giggled when she gave herself answer, then stopped when she figured she wasn't too far from the truth.

oOOoOOoOOo

"You're late!" Selphie scolded, glaring at Riku.

"I didn't want to come anyways. You should be happy that I came at all."

The brunette haired girl put her hands on her full hips and knit her brows in fury. "You didn't have to come."

Riku opened his mouth, ready to reply but Tidus interrupted his spat with Selphie. "Hey, when are we going to do the making out part?"

Suddenly remembering her party's true purpose, the girl forgot about the argument. She stood in the middle of the room and picked up two bowl filled with folded up scraps of paper. "Okay, time to pucker those lips and let your fly open!" Some of her guest humored her but most stared dully at her, wishing to get on with it.

"I'll go first." She dug her hand in the bowl label, "guys" and pulled from it, a thin piece of white paper and read the name aloud. A boy (that Riku didn't recognize) with tanned skin and blue hair walked towards a giggling Selphie and she led in the closet and shut the door behind them.

"What's happening?" Sora asked.

No one answered him for his question was drowned out by the chatter of the others. Riku pulled Sora with him to the kitchen, way from the crowd. "What's going on?" Sora demanded.

"We're going to leave."

"We just got here." The brunette paused. "Is something wrong?" He asked the same things over and over, refusing to leave without an answer. The wicked eyed boy cast an embarrassed glance at the floor, "I'll tell you on the way home." He muttered.

Sora nodded with satisfaction and gave Riku his hand.

"Yo, your turn." Tidus grabbed Riku before he and Sora could escape. The silvery haired one did all he could to wrench out of the blonde's grasp. He at first twisted his body about, then relaxed his body completely, making him a dead weight and nearly impossible to drag. Tidus persisted though, and in the end, Riku was forced to draw a name from the bowl filled with girl's name.

Riku stared at the name in disbelief. Someone in the crowd yelled at him so he would announce who it was yet he kept his mouth shut as the paper crumbled in his hands. Selphie leaned over his shoulder, prodding at him. "Who is it?" A silence fell over the room but was soon broken by someone laughing. Soon the whole room was alive with snickers and guesses on whose name Riku drew.

Sora was still unaware of the party's purpose and was angry that they were teasing his friend. "Stop it." He yelled, but still they went on.

Not being able to take anymore crap, Riku threw the paper to the ground, "What kind of sick joke is this!" He demanded, his blood rushing with anger and embarrassment.

Selphie picked up the paper, read the contents and tucked it in her pocket but to no avail, a boy snatched it away and read it aloud.

"Sora."

All eyes fell over Riku's friend who was oblivious about what was about to happen. They nudged him forwards and held back a girl who also shared the same name, hushing her with whispers. "This could be interesting. . ." They said. They shoved the two in the closet together, Riku pushed at the door but with a click of the lock, they were stuck.

Whenever Riku ever felt disturbed, the closet was his salvation. He would hide from his troubled in the sweet darkness, thinking over his problems or letting his mind wander. Most times it was the latter.

"Riku?"

What once gave him sanctuary filled him with dread. He was locked inside the closet with his friend, a guy- like him- who loves him. He unconsciously stayed as far away from Sora, his body was tensed up, ready to defend against affection.

"We didn't have to come."

"I know."

He closed his eyes. "I can't believe how sick they are-we're boys."

"Why is it sick?" Sora bit out suddenly.

Riku's eyes widened. He hadn't expected him to snap so easily, nor did he consider that what he said would hurt Sora. "It's . . . it's. . ."

". . . weird. Go ahead and say it. Tell me it's not natural, tell me it's wrong. Those words won't change me-they won't change how I feel." The brunette's voice rang with rage and intensity as he gradually began to confess his emotions. "Am I different now that you know? Did your image of me change overnight!" He grew bitter with each word that left his mouth.

This left Riku speechless. Never-until now had he witnessed this side of Sora. Normally his friend was shy and soft-spoken, keeping hold of his composure. He never thought it was possible to make Sora emotionally implode. "I'm sorry." Riku whispered. There was no other appropriate words to say.

"You're still a child. If you're going to say sorry, don't say it just because you feel bad . . . say it because you mean it."

The closet door opened, releasing them from their prison. Mischievous grins were plastered on all the faces around them, assuming they had made out. They were too blinded with such thoughts that they failed to notice the tension between the two. They quickly left the party, taking along a lone can of beer. Riku took a sip to ease his nerves. He looked at a pained Sora. A question was at the tip of his tongue now that the subject was on Sora's sexuality. "Do you love me?"

Sora's footsteps stopped, his glazed eyes fell over Riku. He hesitated, thinking this wasn't how he had planned telling him. He had pictured an accidental kiss together then the questions. "Why does it matter?" He shook his head, knowing Riku had homophobia. His hopes of being more than friends slowly faded.

Riku bit his tongue. "Because I'm willing to give you a chance."

Sora's glazed eyes lit up and blush swept across his cheeks, ". . .why would you do that?"

"I'm your friend."

_--No characters were harmed (physically) in the making of this fanfic. Tat Claire Kokoro is not responsible for the mental breakdowns of any characters.--_

oOOoOOoOO

_A/N: Thanks for those who have reviewed. Your input means so much to me. If you have any questions/suggestions feel free to ask._

_Watashi no ai, Tat Claire Kokoro_


End file.
